if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
