I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
