The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
