we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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