Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
