Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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