if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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