I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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