You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
