and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
