Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
