Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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