if i died would you start the facebook group?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it's like iHOP with fire
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
