I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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