i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
