I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
