believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
