i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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