like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
