dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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