Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
