When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Damn victory sex feels great
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
