I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sarcasm needs its own font
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
