Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
