You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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