hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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