She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
