Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
