I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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