I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
