pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I want a musical about memes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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