he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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