Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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