Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
