somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
even my farts smell like vagina
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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