i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
