were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
