I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
