Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
