I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
