I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
