do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
