Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
