If i could tip my vagina, i would.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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