In the future we'll all be gay
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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