i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
