so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
