Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
