Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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