Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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