ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
